The power within

I did doubt that one can feel disgusted by actions you took and choices you made. Until today, when I felt it. What did I do? What did I think?

I didn't really understand what he meant, when he testified and said he thought he can't be accepted because of what he was and how he lived 'til the day.

Now I understand the far-reaching weight of this question.
It's not that he did care about life, here and now, he knew it was nil.
He was afraid that he was dead.

Dead as in "You got only this, sinful, life. After that you are dead. Did you hear me? You will not see the eternal life you expected. Instead you'll meet the deceiver."-dead.

I broke almost every commandment.
I exalted myself.
I sought love thru lust.
I begrudged others worldly things.
I backbit.
I lied.
I denied You.
I read so many books, looking for a sense of my life, when you were there and said »I am the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the ending, [...] which is, and which was, and which is to come, the Almighty.« You are my creator, my Lord, my caretaker.

You made me to testify You.

Father, I know that I have broken your laws and my sins have separated me from you. I am truly sorry, and now I want to turn away from my past sinful life toward you. Please forgive me, and help me avoid sinning again. I believe that your son, Jesus Christ died for my sins, was resurrected from the dead, is alive, and hears my prayer. I invite Jesus to become the Lord of my life, to rule and reign in my heart from this day forward. Please send your Holy Spirit to help me obey You, and to do Your will for the rest of my life. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.