Leben und ich
[ . ]
I got myself through episodes of OCD, when I was around 12.
I can't remember how long it actually lasted.
I know today that I adopted and extended it, to have my own compulsive behaviour, without knowing what exactly I did.
At first I just did the usual stuff, even normal people do. When I left the house, I verified the electric kitchen stove (lucky me we didn't use gas!) is switched out, same for the coffee machine. OCD kicked in as I locked up the door. Locking it up, verifying it by unlock it, locking it up again, and then I did verify it again. At least three times, on the average five times, sometimes more. Luckily I want to be on time when going to school, so it didn't took forever.
I spoke out the things I saw aloud. Signs were my favorite. Doctor this, Lawyer that. I can remember an episode when I was on the way of driving my sibling completely nuts.
Further stuff I clearly adopted.
I didn't reflect on it. (I couldn't.) It just saw it's time consuming and that I was doomed to repeat certain stuff. I told myself "OK, let's assume the coffee machine is still switched on. What can happen at worst? The house could burn. [This was perfectly logical back then.] If it really happens, DARN - SO BE IT." Self-protection.
This is what got me through: ignorance of the consequences, which I know, were just made up anyway.
I can't remember how long it actually lasted.
I know today that I adopted and extended it, to have my own compulsive behaviour, without knowing what exactly I did.
At first I just did the usual stuff, even normal people do. When I left the house, I verified the electric kitchen stove (lucky me we didn't use gas!) is switched out, same for the coffee machine. OCD kicked in as I locked up the door. Locking it up, verifying it by unlock it, locking it up again, and then I did verify it again. At least three times, on the average five times, sometimes more. Luckily I want to be on time when going to school, so it didn't took forever.
I spoke out the things I saw aloud. Signs were my favorite. Doctor this, Lawyer that. I can remember an episode when I was on the way of driving my sibling completely nuts.
Further stuff I clearly adopted.
I didn't reflect on it. (I couldn't.) It just saw it's time consuming and that I was doomed to repeat certain stuff. I told myself "OK, let's assume the coffee machine is still switched on. What can happen at worst? The house could burn. [This was perfectly logical back then.] If it really happens, DARN - SO BE IT." Self-protection.
This is what got me through: ignorance of the consequences, which I know, were just made up anyway.
2005/06/06 06:32